ella

22 | female | uk


Sunday, 21 October 2012

ˌegziˈsten

I'm turning into a sixteen year old again. I'm unsatisfied, unsure of what to do or where I'm going. All I want is to be free to do the things I love. I don't want a job unless I love it, unless it gives me more than money. I hate the huge waste of people's lives all in the pursuit of money.

I just want to make lots of art and smoke lots of weed and lay around in my pants, listening to lots of black metal and drum & bass. I'd love to do a tattoo apprenticeship. I'd love to work in an art gallery. I'd love to make music. I'd love to write. I'd love to feel as though I had a purpose.

God, things are getting very existential.

Have some drum & bass.

2 comments:

  1. It's a catch 22 situation - if you have a job then you can afford to do the things you want (those that cost money) but your time is limited.

    If you don't have a job then you have more free time, but you often can't afford the things you need (which may include rent, food, heating etc).

    I've opted for the former (after having done the latter in the past). And I do find it frustrating that I have so little time to create artwork (or lounge around listening to music, reading good books, and generally doing what I want every day). But I've become better at making myself create during the limited free time I have.

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    Replies
    1. It's true, you do need a balance... I just want an ideal, where by my job offers me a creative outlet, as well as still have some free time to pursue things just for my own enjoyment... Haha. I'm not sure how realistic I'm being!

      I guess I'm just frustrated by the idea of how much of someone's life can be spent doing something they don't enjoy or don't gain anything from.

      But yeah I know what you mean that limited time can be more productive, more driving in a way :) you want to make the most of it!

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